In a powerful book called Flow, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi writes, “Twenty-three hundred years ago Aristotle concluded that, more than anything else, men and women seek happiness. While happiness itself is sought for its own sake, every other goal — health, beauty, money, or power — is valued only because we expect that it will make us happy.”
It is such a basic concept, such a simple word, and yet happiness does seem to be at the very center of our desires, our purpose, our hope. It holds the greatest of importance but as hard as we try to attain it, it constantly eludes so many of us. I get asked all of the time — by clients, friends, family, new acquaintances I meet in social situations and when the timing is right, even perfect strangers — “What is happiness?” “How can I be happy, or at least happier?” Sometimes it isn’t quite in those exact words, but under some thin layers, it’s clear that is the target — the information to be mined.
Well, I have the coveted answer. And I am *happy* to share it. But first, let me tell you a little about what happiness is not.
I’m sure it comes as no surprise to hear that happiness does not come from money. Financial wealth and conventional “success,” truly do not buy happiness. We all know people with financial means, and yet the complaints still come. It isn’t what that wealth can buy either. Houses, cars, boats, wardrobes, seemingly unlimited accessories, shows, concerts, fancy meals and travel to new places are all very nice things, but they aren’t happiness, at least not in and of themselves. Not even the security that accompanies the wealth will get you there.
Education is very important. Achievement can be satisfying. Awareness opens up incredible possibility. And love is supposed to conquer all, right? Well, these are also wonderful things, and may even be toward the top of the list, but none of them — at least not in and of themselves — is the true answer to this riddle.
Some philosophers claim that pure objectivity does not exist. No matter how close we may come, we all bring experiences and points of view into the equation. However, my experience has shown that those who can approach it tend to be better communicators, less stressed, and generally more peaceful people. Interestingly, in this case it is actually subjectivity that comes into play.
If you want to distill the entire grand concept of happiness down to its most basic tenet, to that one key ingredient in the recipe without which life’s dough will not rise, it is this…
**Happiness has almost nothing to do with what you have, and almost everything to do with how you feel about what you have.**
A friend recently shared with me a conversation she had overheard between two mothers at her son’s private school. One had complained to the other in all sincerity, “Having a private plane is nice, but now that we only have a half share, coordinating schedules with the other family is so difficult.”
In 1978, a trio of researchers at Northwestern University and the University of Massachusetts conducted a study comparing the happiness levels of lottery winners to those of paraplegics. This should be a no-brainer right? Lots of money vs. lack of functionality in your lower extremities. Amazingly, the level of happiness in the two groups was about equal. And those who had been in catastrophic accidents had levels actually a bit higher.
You want to be better networkers, so you can close more business? Figure out how to get your clients, customers and prospects even one step closer to happiness. And again, it’s helping them perceive your solution to their problem as the thing that will get them there.
Oh, and a reminder that everything begins with us — with you. So you have to get your own perspective right, and aligned with experiencing happiness. Not just from those external things mentioned earlier, but by practicing gratitude and humility, surrender, and detachment. Don’t be so stuck on specific outcomes.
And where you can, be of service. Do esteemable acts that will lift your own experience of yourself.
If you can do those things reliably and consistently, you will be amazed at the levels of your energy, time, money, and agency and ability to impact your life and business.
It will lead to true abundance, and an experience of peace, joy, and whatever else you choose.
Wishing you all the happiness in the world.
