If there’s one thing that consistently powers both personal and professional success, it’s the ability to build meaningful relationships. Yet, in a world buzzing with distractions, we often forget that connection doesn’t start with talking — it starts with listening. And the key orientation that sets up listening is curiosity.
At its core, building a relationship is not about impressing someone. It’s about understanding them. And curiosity is the most powerful tool we have for that genuine angle of approach. When you’re curious, you naturally lean in. You ask questions just not to reply, but to understand. And that changes everything.
So, how do you build relationships through curiosity? Let me offer a simple, three-part approach: Be present, be curious, and be generous.
First, be present.Put the phone away. Quiet your inner dialogue. Make eye contact. In today’s fast pace world, full of distractions, real presence is rare, and it’s magnetic. When someone feels they have your full attention, walls start to come down. And you create a space where trust can grow. And trust may be the most important aspect of every single relationship you inhabit. So regardless of whether or not the company you’re keeping has their phone on the table, keep yours handy but out of sight. Simon Sinek speaks well on this topic. I’ll put a link below of a 2 min video of his take.
Second, actually be curious.Curiosity is more than just asking questions — it’s about asking the right ones. Go beyond surface-level small talk. Instead of “What do you do?” try “What do you love about what you do?” Instead of “How was your weekend?” ask “What’s something that made you laugh recently?” These kinds of questions invite stories. And stories are where connection lives. And don’t be afraid to follow the thread. If they mention something they care about — a passion project, a challenge, a moment of pride — go there. Simply say, “Tell me more.” Or, “What had that be so important to you?” These basic prompts show that you’re not just hearing them — but you see them.
Finally, be generous.Relationships thrive on reciprocity. Don’t just take them in — share with them from your world too. Offer your own experiences, your own questions, your vulnerability. When people sense that you’re open and real with them, they’ll often match that energy. And again, you’ll be in fertile ground to foster relationship.
The real secret is something you’ve heard me say before, but it’s always worth repeating: people don’t remember every word you say. But they always remember how you made them feel. So if your presence made them feel heard, if your curiosity made them feel valued, and if your openness made them feel safe — that’s how you construct a relationship built to last.
Lastly, remember this: curiosity isn’t a tactic. It’s a mindset. A quiet declaration that says, “You matter.” And when people feel that, they’ll want to be around you — not because you’re perfect, but because you make them feel perfectly human.
