People meet and fall in love, it seems like they can’t do enough for each other. They have eachothers complete attention. Even when they’re separated, all they think about is each other. This is “Being in Love” a state that lasts an average of 2-3 years.
People get married when they are in love, then life happens and they get called back to duty. After a couple of years things get a little stale- the relationship becomes part of their routine. So what’s the problem?
It’s not that the love is lost, but rather that they are speaking different languages. It turns out there are 5 love languages and most people prefer one or two of them. These are:
l. Words of affirmation – using words to build up the other person. “Thanks for taking out the garbage.” Not – “It’s about time you took the garbage out. The flies were going to carry it out for you.”
2. Gifts – a gift says, “He was thinking about me. Look what he got for me.”
3. Acts of Service – Doing something for your spouse that you know they would like. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, vacuuming floors, are all acts of service.
4. Quality time – by which I mean, giving your spouse your undivided attention. Taking a walk together or sitting on the couch with the TV off – talking and listening.
5. Physical touch – holding hands, hugging, kissing, sexual intercourse, are all expressions of love.
Out of these five, each of you has a primary love language which speaks moredeeply to you than all the others. Discovering each other’s language and speaking
It regularly is the best way to keep love alive in a marriage.
Figuring out someone’s love language is not so hard, it’s usually the thing they are asking of you that triggers you. For example, I used to buy my wife gifts, flowers, that kind of thing. I figured she knew I loved her right?
Then she would say things to me like “we should get someone to fix that faucet” and what I would hear is “why haven’t you done something?”
Guess what her love language was?
Yes, acts of service.
When I finally got that I became proactive about doing things; about stuff I knew was bothering her; her second love language is words of affirmation- when we celebrated her birthday recently we made sure that the kids gave speeches and every guest secretly recorded a birthday wish which she loved when she got it.
Love languages apply at work as well by the way, with your clients as well. Figure out someone’s love language and you know the way to their heart forever!
To learn your love language or your partners you can take this free quiz (fun and easy): https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/